Monday, May 11, 2015

Breaking down the first MLS Atlanta squad

In preparation for the upcoming 2015 ATL Champions League, MLS Atlanta has put together a brief video to help fundraise for Soccer in the Streets.

Considering this is the first squad Darren Eales and Carlos Bocanegra have put together, we feel obligated to break down the tape. 

Does MLS Atlanta have what it takes when it comes to grading players on the field? We scout 'em.

Here we go, the club president and technical director. These guys look like know what they're doing.

First look at the squad. Not a bad start, simple warm-ups. Co-ed but that's the name of the game.

Big hair guy goes down in a non-contact drill. You want to play like the pros you have to practice like the pros. Diving is acceptable in this form.

Diving is a theme and so far MLS Atlanta needs to work on their theatrics. 

What is this garbage? Talking on the phone while manning the goal? Who even uses the iPhone for anything but texting and Instagram?   No wonder that ball is in the net.

Another disgrace in goal. Nobody invited Dorf to tryout. Not even any awareness. Going the complete opposite direction.

Sunglasses? Are you kidding? It explains why they're whiffing floaters like that. I don't even think those are FIFA-approved gear. Just ask Landon Donovan

Wait, Dorf has legs? Why wasn't he using those earlier? I want to grade Dorf out at a D because he's obviously an idiot but I mean bro has legs so he's at least a C. 

Little tiki-taka. Possession in tight space. Work it team. 

Ok, Neymar quota has been met on MLS Atlanta. No need to put that discovery claim in on the Brazilian. 

No way is this legal. Three balls? Big hair guy who we first saw flopping is not getting out of this. These PRO refs are garbage

But it worked? Big hair guy wins the starting spot in goal. A+.

There it is. Your first MLS Atlanta team. Overall: B-